It’s funny that it took a Tropical Storm coupled with a power outage and the inability to do anything else on my computer but write, for me to update my blog.
So many life changes have happened since my last entry and God has been working on me through it all. With all the money, time and resources spent, it took about 10 seconds to walk across the stage. I didn’t feel any different after I graduated but I was not expecting to anyway.
As the saying goes “the more things change the more they remain the same.” This has been really evident in my life recently. Yes, I have reached this milestone that I yearned for and dreamt of for years, but I am not happier than I was before that 10 second walk. I still find myself hoping and praying for greater things beyond this period in my life. I am still not satisfied.
Surprising? Not at all. However, knowledge of this impending state does not make the reality any less painful. I have cried and pleaded and begged God for more things than I am willing to admit. This constant state of yearning and wanting is a reminder that nothing in this world will satisfy and that happiness is not a state the Christian is promised. Happiness can be seen as a state of emotions based on what is happening, and we know how regularly that changes. We are, however, promised joy. When I think about a person who is joyful I do not visualize someone who has no troubles or goes through life with everything they want being handed to them. What I do see is someone whose attitude is one of joy that can only be found in Christ, in spite and despite of the difficulties they face. Someone who counts it as joy (James 1:2).
I have been learning and relearning where my joy comes from; a not-fun process but one that has strengthened my intimacy with God. I mean, of course you’ll become more intimate with someone you’ve cried with and who has seen you in your deepest moments of anguish!
Here are some things God has been showing me:
• The things that I currently have were once among the things that I prayed for
• Relying on anything outside of Christ for my satisfaction will always leave me dissatisfied
• A reminder of God’s past faithfulness is comforting to an impatient heart
• Why worry when you serve the God of the universe (this one gets me every time)
• Enjoy the now and embrace the different seasons of life
As I am in this period of wait and transition I rejoice in the knowledge that God loves me deeply and that I am His child and He works things out for good, even when I fail to see the good.
Thank you God for this life.